Sports fan-dom doesn't need to be a dick-swinging competition

Just because I don't have my team's emblem tattooed on my
face doesn't mean I'm not a sports fan                

I love sports. Unashamedly and unequivocally. There's something about the sporting contest that captivates me, and has from about as early as I can remember.

But I have a friend, a (former) sports fan, who has given up watching sport on philosophical grounds. He argues that there's something abnormal about thousands of people gathering to simply watch sports. To watch a few people run around on a patch of grass with a ball.

His argument is that he doesn't want to spend his life watching other people do things. He wants to actually do things himself. If it's sports, then he wants to play sports. And if it's not playing sport, then he feels his time can be used more meaningfully actually doing something else, as opposed to watching someone else do something.

And, I have to say, I find his argument compelling. If I'm completely objective about things, I have to admit he's got a point. But I can't subscribe to his point of view. And I can't give up watching sport.

I've played any number of sports over the last 25 years or so. I still play football every winter. And I admit that the experience of playing sport gives me something that I could never get by merely watching it.

At the same time, playing sport can be immensely frustrating. Bound by our own limitations, and those of our team-mates (which we often prefer to focus upon), we seldom, if ever, reach the heights that we aspire to. Whilst we may all have moments of glory, most of us will never be Lionel Messi.

And that is the hole that watching sport fills. It is our aspirations realised. It is what we know to be possible played out. It is someone doing the things that we can only imagine doing ourselves. And it is beautiful.

Sure, it's voyeuristic as hell. Sure, there's an element of us that is living vicariously through the professional athletes that we admire. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't enjoy it.

At the other end of the spectrum though, I have another friend who takes sports fan-dom to another level. It defines him. It is his identity. It is all that matters. Watching football with him is a painful experience because he celebrates each goal for his team as if his life depended on it, which to a certain extent, I guess it does.

The sad thing is, this friend is not alone. I know plenty of people like this. This attitude is not uncommon in today's society, especially among males. In fact, many people would consider it part of what makes someone 'a real man'. And I can't abide it.

I am not a 'casual sports fan' because I haven't watched every live televised game in the English Premier League this season. In truth, I haven't watched any live football thus far in 2013. But that doesn't mean I don't care, don't have any idea what's going on, or that my opinion is invalid. And it certainly doesn't make me less of a sports fan (or a man).

I rate my knowledge of sports highly and am confident having an informed discussion about the merits of SC Heerenveen as the real nursery of Dutch football, of whether the Golden State Warriors are a legitimate threat in the NBA's Western Conference this season, and whether the Cronulla Sharks can build on last season to be a Premiership force in this year's NRL.

I admit that part of the thrill for me of watching sport is testing my opinions and allegiances against reality. For games which don't feature a team of which I consider myself a fan, I will still have a preferred winner, and I experience heightened emotions based on how my preferred team performs. And I confess, even when watching sports on my own, I still get slightly anxious about the outcome, based on whether the team I'm backing will ultimately prove victorious.

Southampton vs Manchester City? Come on the Saints! Pakistan vs the West Indies in an ODI? Get up the Windies! Australia vs anyone at anything? Just don't let the Aussies win!

But whilst I enjoy the spectacle, care about what happens, and revise my opinions based on the outcome, at the same time I recognise that, at some level, none of it really matters. Not in the greater scheme of things.

And I'm sick of feeling like I'm competing with people for who it all seems to matter just a little too much. If anything, I wonder if such people really enjoy watching sport at all, or do so out of some perverse sense of obligation where failing to do so would discredit them not only as a sports fan, but also as a human being.

No, I didn't watch the Australian Open tennis final. No, I didn't watch the Super Bowl. And no, I didn't watch all of the football on Super Sunday.

But you know what? The fact that you did is starting to come across as a little forced and I don't really want any part in this weird dick-swinging competition that's going on in your head.

I love sports. But I'm not going to prove it to you.